Monday, December 8, 2014

One of those Days

I can't sleep.  I'm having one of those cycles where it feels like my life is a whole brain fart and caving in on me. I'm having low level, chronic anxiety. It's nothing major, it's just a bunch of little things that add up to make one whole uncomfortable mess. Some of it I can talk about and some of it must simply remain with me.

This fall is peppered with scams by contractors for me. Is it miscommunication?  Partly.  But it is also - what - people trying to make a buck?  In one case, the repairman clearly did not repair the machine and I was scammed for part of the cost of the repair and would have been out the whole cost if I hadn't put a stop payment on the last check--buyer beware--use a credit card, always. In another situation, the contractor did a great job--but his ending cost and his bid were so different that I felt scammed again.

Then there is the Girl Scout Council of Greater New York -- more scam artists if you ask me.  The reason paid employees exist is because there was a need to better serve the volunteers - you know, people like me. Now it is all about making that cookie money so they can pay themselves. Get more members, sell more cookies, keep your job.  The problem is they are not very good at serving their members so they always have to hustle to get more members.  When our cookie mother went to the meeting to get the cookie information they thought we only had 2 registered girls--NOT.  We have 12 registered girls and 9 registered adults and I sent all the forms and the money to them in a timely fashion and did several follow up emails and phone calls--and still they couldn't get it right and put me in the position of having to dig up everything again--so we can sell more cookies and they can keep their jobs.

Oh and the janitor who calls himself a Super who doesn't really do a very good job of being a Super--and why do I have to be in charge of him anyway? Oh, yeah, I'm the treasurer......

Then there is the continuing saga-drama of my partner's younger brother who can't or won't get his life together and how she worries and cares and hopes the best for him and throws money at the problem and the problem never goes away. A perpetual emotional drain on her and a continual obstacle for me.  At least recently, besides feeling sorry for myself, I am starting to have some empathy for her.  There isn't really much I can do to help her. It's funny though, how some people can party, and drink, and smoke and pleasure themselves and follow their passion and figure out how to get a college education and get food stamps and medicaide, but can't figure out how to get a job...

Speaking of jobs--I sure wish I could find something else to do. I am grateful that I have been gainfully employed all these years, but it is becoming a little hazardous to my health--and honestly, it is sooooo boring....but again, at least I am working.  And some things about working for others that I cannot really discuss that is causing me some agita.

And what else? Well that's really it, except for worry and concern about the failing health of my mom who recently had colon cancer and then my sister-in-law's dear mother who is also gravely ill with stage 4 lung cancer. How we hope and pray for the best outcome for both.

And then there are the events happening in the larger community, like the poor man on Staten Island and the young man in Ferguson, MO. While these things don't affect me directly, they indirectly affect all of us.

Well, I still can't sleep, but I feel better now that I got this off my chest.  Thanks for letting me share. Surely I have much to be grateful for and most of this is small stuff....


baby sister said...

I guess you can look at the scams like at least the machine is working now...and it didn't cost you anything more. I know that, as a woman it's hard to go back and demand your money back. I know that I'd have a hard time - I would "sick" Jerome on them if it was something that was ours. Sorry about that. Same thing with the contractor. Aren't they supposed to tell you if the estimate is going to get costlier? I think it's a law in MI.

As far as the Girl Scouts and the janitor...these days, to find someone who does their job well is rare. Just ask mom about her rehab experience.

And as hard as it was to dole out "tough love" to Justin; how it hurt like a b!tch inside - constantly second guessing myself, I still feel it was the better way to go than to just continue things the way they were going. Justin is doing 100% better - I can't say it's because of the "tough love" or the Army (more likely the Army) but I think I would be in a similar boat had I not done something drastic. Still to this day, I ache over that decision (or the many decisions that I had to do in order to be consistent). As far as enrolling in the food stamp program, college or medicaid, I'm not sure Justin had the ambition at the time.

Mom is doing well these days, so do not worry when you don't have to.

Love you :-) (I know you'd like that). From your sibling who visits you the most!

Deni said...

I love you too,Von. Your comments mean alot to me.